Psyche

It was an ordinary day in Doyos.

People are bustling with their own morning activities. Mothers are busy preparing their children for school while others are busy talking with their neighbors.

For Mano Roy, it was another day for tireless repair of bikes, shoes and motorcycles. But what he didn’t know is that it would be the last day of his life.

On the hands of his own son, he rested, with blood gushing from his own body.

“I am sorry”, that was the last word he heard before all else went blank.

He was a hard working father; he worked everyday in his little shop to provide for his family. But still it wasn’t enough.

His wife ventures the street everyday, talking to herself, creating a better world for her. But oftentimes all she could remember is the cruelty of the monsters that surrounds her that she become berserk.

His daughter is a beautiful girl but she also has a world of her own, separate from his world. There are days that she will come to earth and she will become his perfect daughter.

He thought his son would be different.

He worked extra hard so he could send him to school.

But it all ended in that ordinary day.

After a stroll in the boulevard, thinking about life in general, awareness came to his son and decided to live a life without him.

Dreams shattered, wasted life in the hands of a son.

Ciao!

Artwork: sheridan_furer

Hushed

Tears flow silently as she touched her bruised face gently.

She thought it would not be repeated again.

He promised he will not do it anymore.

He even bought her a bouquet of flowers last time and kneeled in front of her saying sorry for what he did.

After all, he did it only because he loves her very much.

How different it is now after 6 years of marriage.

He was the epitome of a perfect lover, husband and father. He lavished her with gifts and bought all the materials things that she needs.

But now is different.

Gradually he became a monster, a wife beater.

“And I am an abused wife”, she whispered.

Her life is starting to become her worst nightmare.

She perfectly knows about Republic Act 9262 that protects women and children from any kind of abuse. She is an active member of the Women’s Organization in their barangay.

But real life situation is different from reading it in a magazine or hearing it in a lecture from the MDSWDO.

How about my children? They love their father.

Besides, certain sacrifices must be paid for the sake of the family.

She could endure the pain, the beating, the bruises and cuts.

Family will come first.

She sealed her silence with a vow while tears continued to flow from her swollen eyes.

“Lola Unang”

Morning is breaking.

Light is starting to appear after the darkness of the night.

The sun is beginning to appear.

With a smile, she was gone.

She was an icon in our place.

A “hilot” and a “kumadrona”, she extends help to everybody without prejudice.

She was the symbol of women empowerment at her time. Not a midwife in profession but she helped a lot of pregnant mothers. She made child birthing easy and bearable.

With her gentle hands and her soft whisper, illnesses and diseases are gone.

I was treated by her because of my asthma when I was young. She endorses herbal medicine as a treatment.

Call it too traditional and old fashioned, but I brought my children, QB and Zach to her for her “tawas” and “sigin”.

From generation to generation, she was present in the families of Carrascal who believes in her capability to heal.

But now, it’s time for her to find peace.

In the hands of the Almighty Father she rested.

In her demise, who will be the next Lola Unang?

We will miss you…

“Edi Blu”

The sun is at its peak, heat is everywhere.

Everyone wishes to be inside an air conditioned room. No one wishes to be outside, exposed to the sun and suffer heat stroke.

But he was the exception. He doesn’t mind the heat.

He was in blue shirt as always with his khaki shorts. He walks under the heat with no protection, not even a hat or sunscreen lotion to protect him from the sun.

He doesn’t mind at all.

All he could think of is that it’s time to collect his daily dues of P1.oo from his clients, the employees of the local government.

He was excited for the P5o.oo that he could collect; he could use that amount to buy two pieces of hot cake for his afternoon snack while the rest will be spent for his trip to the moon.

It was his long time dream.

To acquire a boat and fly him to the moon in the next full moon.

He even invited some of us to accompany him to his travel. He knows it could be fun.

He is Edi Blu.

No one knows how old is he, probably in his 7o’s and never believes in love and weddings.

All I can remember is that he’s already old when I was seven years old and he lives with our neighbor.

Edi Blu lives in his own world. In it, he has no worries and no responsibilities. But he’s obsessed on going to the moon.

Secretly, maybe, he could find solace in the moon and think.

I want to befriend Edi Blu.

I am interested in how he thinks and if he is aware that there is true love and marriage.

If he’s been with a relationship and what he did in his childhood.

I want to explore his secrets and know the content of his brain.

Edi Blu ultimately defines a happy go-lucky guy.

I don’t know if anybody wants to be Edi Blu.

But I do wish he could acquire a boat to fly him to the moon.

“Bayle”

He awakens in Brgy. Gamuton, 3 kilometers away from the infirmary where he was admitted, confused and alone in the dark wondering why and how he got there. But even more afraid of the dream that he was having.. afraid of being taken away from his wife, his family and be whisked to the enchanted kingdom of the unknown…

It all started with an acquaintance, a girl, whose beauty is simple but stood out in the crowd of baylerinas waiting patiently for a guy to ask them for a dance. It was May 21 and he attended the bayle (dance party) in Brgy. Gamuton in celebration of its annual fiesta.

He immediately asked the girl for a dance and grabbed her to the dance floor when the first chords of the sweet music echoes around the barangay hall.

And so they dance, their hips both swaying to the music.

That’s all that he could remember about that night.

Then the dreams came.

And then the fever and muscle pain too. He felt weak.

The worst dream came; he is late in his wedding, dashing towards the church, seeing unfamiliar faces, arriving in the altar to his unknown bride and discovering that she is headless.

He went to Mana Unang, a local hilot and healer, afterwards, seeking advice for his dreams and for his illness.

Marriage and a big wedding, he was advised, is the only solution to the alchemy that he is having or else he would definitely be whisked away to their place, up in the big acacia tree with paypay leaves.

Fortunately for him, he had a girlfriend he loves and he was ready for the responsibility thus the big wedding.

It was okay for a while. Blissful life after the marriage.

And then he found himself in Brgy. Gamuton, three kilometers away from where he is, at 1o in the evening without knowing why and how he got there.

How could one explain this phenomenon?

A friend of mine told me this while we are in a meeting.

He is not feeling well that day, he has fever and muscle pain.

He felt weak.

And it was May 21, Brgy. Gamuton’s annual fiesta.

Artwork:www.layoutsparks.com

Getting Old Together…

It’s 5o years later…I’m 8o and my husband is 77.

We have wrinkles in our faces and we both suffer from rheumatism and probably diabetes and hypertension.

I had my glasses on while he holds his cane to aid him for walking.

But the good news is, despite lupus….we are still together.

We celebrated our 3^rd church wedding anniversary recently and this is what I imagined for both of us after 5o years.

Getting old together.

Still holding hands in our old days and talking about every moments that we shared.

Moments; its importance to my life exceeds that of material things and wealth.

I’d rather have a million moments with my husband and my family than having a million bucks without them.

That’s one of the reasons why I keep old photographs.

I want to remember every smile, every tears, and every frown that are captured in photos. These memories I want to keep forever.

As we continue our journey, I want to capture all the memories that we have so that when it’s time to part ways we will still be together.

Still holding hands, still sharing passionate kisses, still sharing life.

Gunshots and birthdays…

My friend’s birthday is on the 26^th of this month, she’ll be 28 years old and still SINGLE.

But according to her, why marry? She even posted a blog about it.

Why marry indeed?

In the Philippines setting, marriageable age among women is between the ages of 25 to 3o. When you’re 28 and still single and not in a relationship, you’re in deep trouble!

Filipino women trembles to the thought of being alone in their old days, without a companion in their twilight years.

But my aunt is 5o, she’s single, probably a virgin, not in a relationship for a long time, but she’s having a golden time with her life.

A lot of single women I know, some of them are in their twilight years, without husbands or children, but they are having a terrific life.

So to my friend whose 28 now, never worry! Why marry indeed?

While celebrating birthdays and living a terrific life, there are these two people in town whose lives unfortunately were bring to an end by gunshots.

Gunshots echoes around the town.

One is dead early morning before the May 1o election while the other one is shot dead trying to mediate a feud.

Senseless killings.

Two families in town mourning, hurting and remembering birthdays not to be celebrated anymore.

Two lives wasted by gunshots.

(artwork by Sheridan Furrer)

True Love and Lupus..

“In sickness and in health, till death do us part…”

I never imagine this cliché would mean so much to me. I often hear this line during weddings and did not take it too seriously. Its significance evades me until I encountered true love….

and then lupus…

Love comes in different ways, it’s true, and it really surprises me when it hit me!

Life then was purely for fun and enjoyment. Marriage and true love belongs to the older generation. Relationships do not last long; love was so evasive I stopped trying to find it.

Until it found me.

It all started by just a simple song from Southborder and a special dance shared in Expats. Texting was then a hit that we exchanged mobile numbers and become textmates…

It took two years before we met again personally and started an intimate relationship. And it took another 2 years before we tied the knot in marriage.

Those two years of togetherness was not easy.

But the challenges made us stronger.. one of them is lupus. especially lupus.

Lupus is a chronic disease that is found to be genetic. It means it is a lifetime disease and is hereditary. Unfortunately for Eed, he inherited the disease.

He was diagnosed to have lupus before we got married in 2oo6.

It was a very trying time for him, he just got back from Singapore and he was sick all the time. His hair is falling and he loses weight. He never thought it is serious until the result of his medical examination in Cebu shows that indeed he has lupus..

I felt numbed when I heard the result, fear engulfs me. I am afraid for him but even more afraid for me. I thought the worst.

I thought he was dying…

He thought he was dying too.

Because of it, he distanced himself and tried to push me away. Because of his illness, our future together became so bleak.

But true love endured.

The love that we shared overcomes the fear.

Lupus made us realize that time is very precious. We decided to have a life together despite it and share every moment that we could have.

Despite lupus, we are still together.

Today, May 26, 2o1o, we will be celebrating our 3^rd church wedding anniversary with gratitude in our hearts.

With passionate prayers we will forever be grateful for the chance of being together..

And we are still counting for more years of togetherness.

Cheers!

Suicide for love?

With trembling fingers he holds the rope that he acquires from somewhere in the house, locks the door of his room securely so as to prevent interruption, grab the chair near his bed, tie the rope in the post of their ceiling, position himself, put his neck and garrote himself to death.

I often wonder what the last thought of a person is before he kills himself ……..

or what races to his mind when he felt his last breath going out from his body….

Did he feel pain? Or pleasure?

This is what plays into my mind when I heard the news that a 22-year old boy in Doyos killed himself over a broken relationship.

Does killing yourself over love worth it?

Is suicide worth it?

Important questions that needs to be answered… but whom can you ask when all of them who committed it are in the graves now, rotting, not even minding of the worms crawling in their bodies.

My heart goes to the mother of the boy as I watched her grieve and cry while his son is slowly put into the ground.

It is not the same watching Cesar Montano cry on TV while talking about the suicide of his son too. Watching a mother wail her pain while putting his son on the grave is different, it is very real, it is heart wrenching.

It rips my heart.

How could suicide for love be worth it?

Or is it really for love?

Love is kind. It is never selfish. It endures. This are just passages in the bible that describes love. So how can killing yourself be for love?

Does Bodon, the 22-yr old boy from Doyos feel overwhelming love for his girlfriend that when they parted ways, garroting himself is the only way to show his loving?

Such impasse.

Only their departed souls can answer.

May they rest in peace +

Desperate Housewives and Monsters…

“Monsters are created by monsters”

Fridays and monsters usually go well together in horror movies. That’s why I was not surprised when I heard those lines last Friday night while watching the episode of Desperate Housewives.

Although it’s not at all a horror TV show but the episode focuses on a young teenage boy who strangles women in his neighborhood. That’s what made it scary.

I never watched Desperate Housewives. I don’t know the characters and never intend to know them. But I am glad that I was able to watch its episode last Friday. It made me paused and discern on important things like motherhood and death.

You see, the boy is not at all scary. In the outside he is a sweet boy and very polite. However, he has the tendency to cling to older women and seems to seek affection and love from them. It is when that he feels that he is betrayed by them that he loses control and strangles women.

Even to the point that he also strangles his own mother to death.

Such cruel and violent action seems unrealistic but towards the end of the episode it was clearly shown how the boy developed into a killer, a monster, because his mother, an alcoholic woman who disregards her son for alcohol, is also a monster.

Monsters are really created by monsters.

I felt scared after watching the episode, afraid to become a monster mother and making my children monsters. What a scary thought!

While my sons are sleeping that Friday night, I tenderly watched them and touched their hands making a vow to myself..

that I will not be a monster mother….

that I will summon every power that I have to be a good mother..

that love will be my sword in teaching them how to become better persons in the future.

Sleep well my darlings, mommy is here.. always.

Relationships and babies...

“I’m the king of the world!”

Famous line shouted by “Jack” played by Leonardo de Caprio at the unsinkable Titanic Ship. This is what comes to my mind when my friend told me he could not break up with his current girlfriend though he has doubts if he truly loves her because he is treated like a KING.

Men like to be king. But when his girlfriend announces that she’s pregnant, reality sinks in and my friend wishes to be just an ordinary peasant without confusions and doubts crowding his mind about the situation.

Happiness over responsibilities. Freedom over moral values.

Tying the knot for love? Or saying I do for babies?

Having babies is the best experience in the whole universe. It is worth sharing and it is worth being responsible for.

Building better relationships on the other hand is important as well to be ready for whatever consequences life may bring.

To my friend, Karl, the decision is yours.

Getting back your freedom and finding happiness with a girl you really want to spend your life forever.

Or…..

Being a good father and face the responsibility of parenthood in lieu of personal happiness and the search for true love.

Good Luck.

Crying on Weddings....

I’m a cry baby.

I cry easily. Watching movies or documentaries or even reading novels moves me. I cry during my two weddings, I cry when I delivered both my sons into this world (both from pain and happiness), I cry during mother’s day, I cry on funerals (of course!), I cry on graduations, birthdays and other things that moves me emotionally.

Last Saturday was no exception.

I attended my bestfriends’ wedding and it was a very beautiful wedding. Although it’s raining harbut it did not hamper the romantic mood inside the church and during the ceremony.

The aisle is beautifully decorated and the choir is singing melodiously. I can see Bryan, my friend, fidgeting, waiting for the ceremony to start and eager to see his bride who is still inside the bridal car waiting for her cue to walk in the aisle.

It was nice seeing Bryan like that. He had been waiting for this to happen and now it’s finally done. Well, technically not done yet since the ceremony has not yet started but for us who know the kind of relationship they had, this wedding is a lifetime dream for both Bryan and Rhodora.

I was so excited for the wedding ceremony to start. Excited to see Bryan in his best Barong Tagalog walking in the aisle and also excited for my son, QB, walking in his cute little barong too with a flower girl in his arms bringing her to the altar.

Finally, the ceremony started.

While Carla Waye, the Australian singer whose roots are from Magasang sings love songs in the air, Bryan, my friend since high school, walks in the aisle ready to wed her beloved Iya.

And then the tears started.

It happens so quickly. And it’s just not me but also most of the women inside the church.

Rhodora, the vibrant bride, walking in the aisle with flowers surrounds her, while her husband-to-be beckoning her to the altar with a love song.

Such a sweet moment. Tears flowing from my eyes. It was a beautiful sight and a beautiful moment to savor. I am so glad I am there to witness it.

The singing stopped however because the groom is very emotional too and he could not utter a single lyrics anymore, but tears of joy continued to flow.

Bryan and Rhodora, hands clasping together, continues to walk the aisle towards the altar asking the Lord to bind their hearts and love forever.

With tears still flowing from my eyes, I silently hold my husbands’ hand and offers a fervent prayer of togetherness and happily ever after for us and for our friends Bryan and Rhodora.

Best Wishes.

(photo by cathé)

Late Night Conversations..

I don’t blog.

I had done it once and posted it before my dramatic civil wedding in 1996 but after that no more.

But after last night, here I am writing about the sweetest moment in my life, wanting the worldwide web to know about it.

(If my hubby will know about this, he’ll probably kill me but then I am confident that he will forgive me. After all, he loves me that much…)

Well, I am talking about late night conversations in bed between husband and wife that couples tend to forget as years of togetherness goes by. Conversations that don’t exactly lead to making love, but conversations that comes straight from the heart.

Eed and I have been married for 4 years now and have been blessed with 2 sons already. Because of so many things to do being a wife and a mother or him being a husband and a father, oftentimes, late night conversations that I am talking about are becoming less and less to happen.

Last night was an exception.

It was just an ordinary night, no special occasions and the night air is humid. Stars are scarce and there is possibility of rain. We came home late, at around 9:45, after having dinner at the resort with his family in Cantilan. Qb, our eldest was already asleep while Zach noisily sucks his thumb (he’s four months old) one of his favorite activities before going to sleep.

After preparing-for-bed-routine was done, I lay down on my side of the bed (yes, we have our own sides now that we have 2 children to look upon) while he was watching TV on his other side. I thought of watching TV too for a while before closing my eyes when I feel his weight on my side. He transferred Zach to the other side so he could lie down beside me. My mind was racing, I thought of saying No before he could ask for sex. I’m not in the mood for it. But surprisingly, he just holds my hand and put my head in his arms. We stayed like that for 15 minutes while watching Shaun the Sheep (QB’s favorite cartoon TV show at Disney Channel).

Silence (and Shaun the Sheep) could never be sweeter at that moment.

And then suddenly he whispers in my ear, “ngit, Salamat sa tanan. Lucky ako karajaw to have you as my wife. Salamat for giving me QB and Zach. I could not ask for anything more because you have given me everything. I love you so much”

Words so simple yet so meaningful to me. I am deeply touched. Bliss, pure love and contentment is what I feel at that moment. We stayed at each others arms until dawn talking about anything until our eyes dropped with pleasure in our hearts.

Happiness, such sweet happiness engulfs me last night.